Watching someone you love struggle with depression can be painful. You might feel helpless, frustrated, or unsure of what to say. Your support matters more than you might realize — but it’s also important to understand what helps and what doesn’t.
Understanding What They’re Experiencing
Depression isn’t just feeling sad. It often includes:
- Persistent low mood that doesn’t lift
- Loss of interest in things once enjoyed
- Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
- Sometimes, thoughts of death or suicide
Your loved one isn’t choosing this, and they can’t simply “snap out of it.”
How You Can Help
Be Present
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply be there. You don’t need to fix anything or have perfect words.
- Sit with them, even in silence
- Let them know you’re thinking of them
- Show up consistently, even when they push you away
Listen Without Judgment
- Let them talk without trying to solve their problems
- Avoid minimizing their feelings (“It could be worse”)
- Validate their experience (“That sounds really hard”)
Offer Practical Support
Depression makes everyday tasks feel overwhelming. Help with:
- Cooking a meal or bringing groceries
- Helping with household chores
- Accompanying them to appointments
- Just being there while they do tasks
Encourage Professional Help
- Gently suggest therapy or seeing a doctor
- Offer to help find resources or make appointments
- Be patient — they may not be ready right away
What to Avoid
- Don’t try to force positivity or suggest they “just think happy thoughts”
- Avoid comparing their situation to others or saying they have “nothing to be sad about”
- Don’t take their behavior personally — depression affects how people interact
- Resist the urge to fix everything — sometimes listening is enough
Taking Care of Yourself
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Remember:
- You can’t pour from an empty cup
- Set boundaries when needed
- Seek your own support — therapy, friends, support groups
- You’re not responsible for fixing them
When to Seek Emergency Help
If your loved one mentions suicide or self-harm:
- Take it seriously
- Ask directly: “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”
- Don’t leave them alone if you’re concerned about immediate safety
- Call 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or go to the nearest emergency room
Your presence and patience can be a lifeline. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, you’re making a difference.